Inert

I have this very strange feeling since morning today. No matter how hard I am trying to define the feeling, I am just unable to do so. It is almost like as if I am been etherized, made inert. Every conversation that I am indulging in seems mindless and all that seems to be echoing in my mind is a drone of some thoughts, which I yet again have no idea of. If you ask me, it almost feels as if the whole universe has boiled down many questions on to me and I do not know which one to answer.

I am asking myself if this feeling actually erupted with the first chapter that I began to read of Milan Kundera's "The Unbearable Lightness of Being." The philosophy he propounds is interesting -

The heaviest of burdens is simultaneously an image of life's most intense fulfillment. The heavier the burden, the closer our lives come to the earth, the more real and truthful they become. Conversely, the absolute absence of a burden causes man to be lighter than air, to soar into new heights, take leave of the earth and his earthly being, and become only half real, his movements as free as they are insignificant. What then shall we choose? Weight or lightness?

I understand this thought but I cannot relate it to my condition. Is it weight that burdens me or is it the mere absence of any that is managing to create these strange confabulations? My guess is that, it cannot be the absence of a burden. Rather, it is confluence of many 'weights' that is creating this condition in me.

Simmi and I will be distanced even further, now with me shifting to Dwarka. There is a piece of news regarding my professional growth that I have been waiting for since sometime and the anxiety of both seems to be the root cause of this inertness. Along with this and so many other thoughts that I seem to be effortlessly indulging myself in, this condition refuses to budge. Permit me to Sigh. It helps. Every pause helps, but only momentarily. Grrrrrrr!!! Oh so Prufrockian!!!

...And indeed there will be time
For the yellow smoke that slides along the street,
Rubbing its back upon the window-panes;
There will be time, there will be time
To prepare a face to meet the faces that you meet;
There will be time to murder and create,
And time for all the works and days of hands
That lift and drop a question on your plate;
Time for you and time for me.
And time yet for a hundred indecisions,
And for a hundred visions and revisions,
Before the taking of a toast and tea.

Saints are Sinners Who don't give up!!!

Thu, Nov 6, 2008 at 11:55 AM: Simmi had this status on her gtalk and it swept me off my feet. When I first read it, I thought that she had picked this line as a random thought from Jhumpa Lahiri's "Unaccustomed Earth" which she has been reading for sometime now. I gave the line a thought and though it intrigued me, I failed to arrive at a concrete or even abstract meaning to the same. I requested her to explain it to me and from that moment on when she did so, I am in a complete awe of the statement. I will try my level best to rephrase the conversation that we have had online and later on phone to share my ecstacy and mental orgasm:

Me: Tell me na what it implies

Simmi: Wait

(after 2 minutes of innocuous prodding)

Simmi: Saints are sinners, because they refuse to give up on their ideals...

Me: ? (I was wondering if she had read anything Marxist recently)

Simmi: Look, how do you define a sin is inconsequential. What matter is, that saints in their attempt to correct and do things right and in doing so they end up 'sinning' in expecting a result. Expectation is a want, in many ways a sin. The true form of duty should not hinge on expectation or result, but only on duty. So many saints in succumbing to expectations, become 'sinners'... (pause)

Me: Go on... ( I was not convinced. If a person expects, then he cannot be a saint, is what I thought!! But I knew that she had more to this, than just that)

Simmi: Saints also have a will to never give up... They will fight for a cause because they expect the change, which for all probability might be for the best of mankind,... but they fight because they expect a change and in doing so they succumb to it as a temptation. (I was sniffing a philosophy of Gita in it)... I shall discuss this with you further when we talk. Got to run now.

Me: K... Hmmmm

I was still thinking...

We could never proceed with this conversation, but I bet there was more to this. My verdict - "I liked the conversation"

Midnight Verse!!!

Amidst a cloud of smoke,
The butt end of memories
Choke in my throat.
Coughs cease, my eyes gasp,
and the lungs need air.
I rush out (like always),
Leave the smoke behind
Carry the choke,
Adam's apple,
Eve's love.
The cycle is vicious.

As the moon sets,
and dim stars spangle the sky
I light yet another.
Inhale the smoke,
A half intermittent cough,
The butt of memories still remain,
Addiction?
Nay, " Its Life, I tell myself"

Burn Fat Faster and Better!!!

The article below my friends is worth a read for the serious weight loss aspirants. I came across it in a site www.mensxpert.com who in turn have ripped it off from Divine Caroline. (Gee!!! Plagiarism.. But I prefer to keep a safe distance from it and so the due credits) The article is about the top myths that need to be burst in a weight loss regime and I so much agree with it. I have lived through some of the myths in my weight loss program and have realised its futility. Thus it will be worth while for you to understand these 11 myths and then avoid practicing it!!!!

" Come on, you’ve heard them. Even people who don’t work out have heard most of them. I’m talking about statements like:

· People who play sports like golf, baseball or basketball shouldn’t lift weights because it will make them slow and tight.
· The thingamajig is the best exercise for giving you those washboard abs.
· You should lose the bulk of your weight before you start to weight train.
· I lift weights using high reps to shape and tone my muscles.
· Eating a diet high in fat will make me fat.

It goes on and on. It just boggles my mind that I still hear and read this stuff and it’s almost 2010. As a matter of fact, I was in the gym last night going through a chest routine when I overheard a so-called personal trainer telling a woman that in order for her to get to see her abs she would have to change her routine. He continued to tell her she needed to perform at least 30 to 50 reps every set for four sets and use four different exercises for every body part. Thank God I didn’t hear what he had to say about diet and cardio, because I probably would’ve lost it right there. Instead, I kept my composure and very nicely introduced myself to the woman and told her in not so many words that he was so full of it, his eyes were brown, and that I would be glad to help her with any questions.

Unfortunately, many personal trainers, local muscle-head know-it-alls, and of course the media, are the biggest perpetuators of training and nutritional myths. And what’s more unfortunate, this is where most people -- like you -- get their information.

The hard part is that some myths have been around for so long they are accepted as gospel. My part is done. I’ve written this “book” that contains everything you need to know to positively change your body. You need to do your part and open your mind. Some of what you are about to learn goes against the grain, so to speak. The information you’re about to absorb is nothing like what will sell a ThighMaster®. I refuse to offer gimmicks or embellish to hook you in. I offer the truth, which sells itself because it works for the long haul.

So here you are facing a fork in the road. Which direction are you going to go? The fact that you’re reading this tells me you are self-motivated. It tells me, after a lot of back and forth, you’ve made the decision to move in the right direction to change the way you look and feel.

It’s imperative that if you’ve made the decision to become healthier and stronger, you need to forget everything you’ve heard about diet and exercise. I am asking for a clean slate. Forget about all the sensational fitness and nutritional theories you’ve heard over the years. Read the following as a major first step toward your goal.

Myth 1:Training your abs using the right machines or exercises will give you the washboard abs you want.
Now, I’m only going to say this once. Ready? You can do abs until you’re blue in the face. I don’t care if you do 1,000 sit ups three times a day -- if you don’t get rid of the fat covering the abdominal wall you’re not going to see didly squat. There is no magical exercise or combination of exercises that will give you abs.

Remember there is no such thing as spot reduction. This is so important I must repeat it. There is no such thing as spot reduction. How fast and where we lose our body fat is genetically programmed, and the only way to lose body fat is to eat correctly. Or you can have it sucked out, which I only recommend as a last resort.


Myth 2: You should lose weight before you begin weight training or you’ll just bulk up.
This is another one I’ve been hearing since my early days in the gym at the Lorain (Ohio) YMCA. That was 25 years ago. (WOW! Man, time flies.) Anyway, lifting weights is exactly what you want to do if you’re overweight. As a matter of fact, if you had to choose only one type of exercise, weight training would be it by a long shot. Some of you are asking, “What about cardio?”

It’s muscle that drives the metabolism. The less muscle we have, the slower our metabolism and vice versa. The only way to preserve or build muscle, which is what you really want and need to stay strong and get lean, is through weight training.


Myth 3: The best way to lose fat is to do cardio.

Screw cardio!

Now don’t get me wrong, walking or jogging around the block or on a treadmill is better than nothing. But I’m not -- and you shouldn’t be -- concerned with what’s better than nothing. I personally am not concerned about being average. If you’re going to put the time in, use it wisely.

Have you been to any one of the gyms across this country? What percentage of people who perform cardio are lean? How many people that you see performing cardio on a regular basis make gains, and better still, keep them?

There are three things to keep in mind about cardio when trying to get leaner. One is that it doesn’t build muscle. Two, it doesn’t preserve muscle while losing weight. Both are extremely important if your goal is not only to get leaner, but to stay that way. As we lose weight the body does not discriminate where the weight comes from. We lose muscle along with fat, especially on a low calorie diet. And performing cardio accentuates this phenomenon.

Lastly, unless you enjoy cardiovascular training, it’s just not worth the time. The work to benefit ratio is dismal to say the least. Unless you’re willing to bust your butt and perform 60 to 90 minutes of cardio a day, which will hinder your muscle building capacity, cardio is not worth it.

If you do nothing but diet and cardio, you may lose some weight, but your results will be less than expected. Your appearance and overall shape will stay the same. If you have excess fat around your butt and narrow shoulders, your proportion will remain. This is not improvement to me, and if it is to you, you’re going down the wrong road.

The best and only form of exercise for reshaping and improving your health is progressive weight training.


Myth 4: If you want to shape and tone your muscles you should do high reps.

There are two myths contained in the statement above. Let’s take them on one at a time, shall we? It’s still a widespread common misconception that certain exercises are considered shaping exercises. One of the most common is the preacher curl. It was, and still is, widely accepted that preacher curls helped build the bottom half of the bicep. This was welcome news to those who have short bicep muscle bellies. Unfortunately, it is physiologically impossible to change the shape of any muscle on our bodies. If it were, don’t you think we all would be doing it? And if we were all doing it, wouldn’t our physiques look very similar?

If you have small flat glute muscles when you start training, you’re going to have smaller, flatter glutes than most, 20 years of training later. If you have narrow triceps, they’re always going to be on the narrow side. If you have high, thin calf muscles, you are always going to have high calf muscles that are on the thin side. This not meant to discourage you but to encourage realistic goals. You can always add size and a more positive appearance. But getting your muscles to change shape is simply not going to happen.

“I want to make my muscles look more tone so I’m doing more reps. I don’t want to be big, I just want to be more tone.” First of all, if a guy ever says that, he needs to be slapped and have his estrogen levels checked. A man who would say “I want to look more tone” is also taking a Pilate’s class with a guy named Bruce, has track lighting and wears eye liner. Just kidding. I know a Bruce who has track lighting and he’s as masculine as they come. Very simply, performing 12 reps instead of six to eight per set will have no noticeable effect on the amount of fat you burn.

Secondly, and more importantly, the tonus of muscle has nothing to do with its appearance. One can appear more “cut,” more “shredded,” more “defined,” but it is impossible to appear more tone. Muscle tone is the amount of tension a muscle exerts at rest.


Myth 5: I’m not sore today so I must not have had a good workout yesterday.

The fact that one is sore the days following a workout shows they probably had a good workout. However, not being sore the days following a workout has no correlation with whether or not you had a good workout. The factor you should be paying attention to is the intensity level. Were your sets done with 100 percent intensity, meaning, did you take your working sets to failure using proper form? Another factor is productivity. Did you make any gains? Did you increase in the amount of weight you used, or did you increase the number of reps with a particular weight? How you felt while training is another factor. Did you feel sluggish or did you feel energized and ready to push it? Post workout soreness is just one of several symptoms of a good workout.

Don’t worry if you’re not sore. Pay attention to your intensity levels, productivity and how you feel. If any of these factors are lacking, you may need to change your routine. Chances are you’re over-training.


Myth 6: Eating a diet high in protein is unhealthy and will damage your kidneys and liver.

Thank God this one isn’t quite as common as it once was, but it’s such a classic I had to include it.
There is not one study to support the myth above. I dare anyone to show one study that supports the myth that a diet high in protein will harm the liver, kidneys or is unhealthy in any way to a healthy individual. You will find, however, a mound of evidence supporting higher protein diets. Protein has a whole host of positive effects.

Protein repairs and maintains everything in our bodies from hormones to muscles. Proteins are made up of building blocks called amino acids. There are eight essential amino acids. Essential means we have to ingest these for survival because our bodies cannot manufacture them. If your protein intake is low, your body will get the essential amino acids it needs from your own muscle tissue. This is a big reason why wacko vegetarians, especially vegans, have a much lower percentage of muscle, on average, than meat-and-fish-eating humans. The lack of quality protein also makes it harder for them to gain muscle in the gym. Not only are they not getting enough protein, they also lack in the quality of protein, unless they supplement with quality protein powders. Vegans are extremists and there is no hope. At least a vegetarian can get quality supplements from dairy products. Vegans must resort to eating garbage soy protein powders and tofu. To each his own.

Now for all you thin-skinned readers: I’m talking about optimizing your body’s ability to get lean, healthy and more muscular. I’m not saying being a vegetarian will make you unhealthy. I’m saying it’s not the most advantageous way to go. Vegans are another story. This way of eating is unhealthy. Without supplements, a vegan could not survive. It’s impossible to ingest all the essential nutrients one needs through plant sources only. This lifestyle, flies in the face of science and physiology, and I will not condone it.


Myth 7: Eating more protein will make me fat.

We are simply made to eat protein. Why anyone would consciously eat a diet low in protein is beyond me. Although, with so much misinformation out there I guess it’s understandable.

However, not only do you need to consume protein, it needs to be high quality and in adequate amounts. I recommend one gram per pound of body weight. However, if you train with 100 percent intensity (which is how you should train), you need upwards of 1.5 grams per pound. At the very least you should consume a portion of protein with every meal. Don’t worry; eating more protein will not make you fat.

Protein, in and of itself, has little to do with getting fat, and has nothing to do with being unhealthy. You see, a calorie is not a calorie. A calorie of a carbohydrate does not equate to a calorie of protein when being metabolized in our bodies. Protein calories are not likely to be stored as fat, as compared to carbs. This is mainly due to the fact that proteins require a lot of energy to metabolize and assimilate. And as an added bonus, protein lowers the glycemic index of other foods. This helps to ensure your pancreas secretes small amounts of insulin, which is the fat storage hormone. The higher your insulin levels, the more fat you’re going to store.

To put it quite simply, if you do not consume enough protein you will not only put a halt to your efforts to have a leaner, more muscular body, you can actually lose some of the muscle you’re working so hard to get.


Myth 8: Strictly reducing calories is the key to losing body fat.

One of the biggest errors one can make is eating only once or twice per day. Our bodies adapt to any stress placed upon it, and are programmed through tens of thousands of years for survival. When we restrict the amount of food we eat, our bodies will respond by reducing the rate at which we burn fat. It doesn’t matter that you’re eating a burger with fries and a soft drink for dinner; by not eating at regular intervals your body kicks into starvation mode and readily stores fat.

It becomes a vicious cycle. You want to lose weight so you cut back on the amount of food, which for most means eating fewer times per day. Your body responds by slowing its metabolism, an automatic survival mechanism.

You lose weight at first, which is both fat and muscle, and eventually hit a plateau. Muscle drives the metabolism. It’s what burns fat as fuel. The less you have, the less fat you burn.
And if losing muscle and feeling crappy weren’t enough, you are continuously hungry and eventually fall off the wagon. Now you’re eating more with less muscle and a slower metabolism. Your body is now a much less efficient fat-burning machine. Now you can eat less than when you started and still gain weight.

The weight you gain when you start eating again (and you will start eating again), will be even greater than when you started your crash diet. Sounds ridiculous doesn’t it? But many people do it over and over.

What needs to be done is to eat whole nutritious meals at least four times per day. You need to establish new eating habits, and this may take a few months to feel comfortable. Eating in this way will ensure a faster metabolism, higher energy levels, less hunger and a better outlook.


Myth 9: Strength training is too dangerous and will stunt the growth of children.

I have an 11-year-old daughter. She has already been involved with sports for five years. These days, if a child doesn’t start playing sports in the primary grades, they are going to be behind. Parents do not hesitate to enroll their young children in sports like soccer, basketball, gymnastics, football and others. These children are placed in uncontrolled environments where there is running, tripping, colliding, changing directions at high speed, twisting and a whole host of other forces being applied to their little bodies. But God forbid you put your child on a strength training routine, which is in a totally controlled environment!

Some children play two, three or more sports per year. These same parents I talk to in the gym would never consider putting their child on a strength training routine. The above myth is the main reason I hear from parents.

To the contrary of what many parents fear, numerous studies show the benefits of strength training, including: increased bone density and development, injury prevention, and improved athletic performance. These far outweigh the dangers that parents worry so much about. So do your kids a favor and get them interested in fitness early.


Myth 10: After 96 hours of not training, a muscle will start to lose its size and strength.

The first component of a training program that should be given consideration is training frequency. How often can -- or more importantly -- should I train per week? Optimum recovery time between training sessions is essential if one is going to continue to make progress. Training frequency, determined by an individual’s recovery ability, is often a forgotten part of most training protocols.

Don’t be so concerned with how many training sessions you can handle per week. Be more concerned about the optimal amount. More is not always better. There is no reason in going to the gym if you’re not going to make progress. In every workout, if you trained properly and have fully recovered, you should be able to add some weight or do an extra reps.

The ability to recover from workouts is genetically predetermined. Some individuals can handle a high volume and frequency of training, and others can handle only minimal amounts. You need to determine the frequency at which you should train your body parts; this is done by keeping a detailed training journal of your workouts. How do you know where to go, if you don’t know where you’ve been?

If you aren’t making progress, your workout needs to be adjusted. The average individual on a three or four day split routine, training with 100 percent intensity, will need between six and eight days off before training the same body part. I personally train each body part three times per month.


Myth 11: Athletes or weekend warriors who play sports like golf, baseball, boxing, soccer, hockey and basketball shouldn’t lift weights because it will make them slow and tight.

Why in the world should a person who plays golf weight train? Sports involving swinging, sprinting, jumping, swimming, throwing, kicking or punching are affected by the ratio of the strength of the muscles involved in the movement, to the mass of those body parts. To put it simply, if a soccer player trains properly and increases his strength 15 percent over a six-month period, and his mass remains relatively the same, his ability to accelerate is increased. The stronger a boxer becomes while maintaining a constant body mass, the faster and harder he’ll be able to punch.

Now as far as athletes becoming tight, research has shown that full range progressive resistance training is a great way to develop functional flexibility. Individuals who weight train properly, but don’t stretch, are more flexible than individuals who don’t train or stretch.

In short, as with people not involved in sports, weight training will not make athletes tight or slow -- it will make them better."

A light story... (Heavily loaded)

Remember, my earlier post on Aug 25 Fat Boy Slim where I vowed to touch a 70 kg from the... ahem 89 kg that I so graciously had managed to accumulate over the years of adopting Charvak's principle - Eat, Drink and Merry!!! Well all the merriment, drinking and eating principle were now to take a toss once the mission began. For all unknown conditions I was able to get on to a work out mode only a month after I had written the first post. (Sigh!!! I know)
Losing weight my friends, is never an easy task and I will not make it sound simple either. (Lest it may discount all the 'Oooohs' and 'Aaahs', 'Really' that I happily manage to generate nowadays when I tell wannabe's of my weight loss story) It is not rocket science either. It is actually more to do with the mind and the motivation that you may receive from yourself in wanting to lose weight. The funda is simple - Regulate your diet, Plan and follow a workout and bingo the process begins. But before one actually begins the mission, what is very important is the need to read literature on nutrition, diet and work-out. I did exactly that. There is no dearth of it in net or also if you decide to pick up some good magazines like "Men's Health", "Prevention" (and this has nothing to do with the fact that I have worked with the India Today Group) What I write now on is no prescribed formula, but something which I have practsised and managed to achieve results over 11 months.

Mantra 1: Know your body!!!

It is very important that you understand your own body and that does not mean standing in front of a mirror and groping yourself and the unwanted layers that might now be hanging from all the wrong places. ;) Understanding one's own body is a lot to do with the kind of life that you might have led prior to accumulating the layers and also the kind of life that you might be leading right now. In my case, the retrospective was of an athlete, relentlessly in the basketball court or if not then perhaps dancing at a friends party with two left feet. And then, I completed my MA and MBA, lost perspective of life and a girlfriend, tasted and got addicted to alcohol, suffered from attention seeking disorder and hence got drunk and loved to create a scene (all puns intended) and then before I realised the weighing scale was reading 78 kgs in 2005. I thought that job would change all this but I was wrong, and this is something you also need to realise. Working a sedantry or even a field job does nothing but adds many gms to you, because lifestyle becomes your nemesis. We earn, so we indulge; We indulge, So we get tired; We get tired; So we drink; We drink, so we have fun... Its a viscious cycle my friend, very viscious. And its almost the same story for everyone who has gained weight. (Drinking is supplemented with good food for both alcoholics and also who refuse to drink) So when, I decided that I need to shed weight, the first thing was to introspect my lifestyle and in turn my body. When I did this, it is then that I realised that instead of actually pampering my body, I was abusing it. Late nights, sedantry work style and more over the many empty bottles of alcohol and beer in my cupboard were a clear indication of why I had been bloating. And when I joined Music Today, the weighing scale read 89kgs. I stopped weighing myself and started to laugh off the smirks and remarks on my paunch, but every day I stood infront of the mirror wishing for a new day.

Next: Mantra 2: Stop Wishing and Act!!!

Back!!!

Yes, I am back, like all the other times. And as a hard working lazy individual I am shameless enough not to offer any excuses for being away for so long. Smug!!!

I watched Rock On last week and have to definitely write about it. Nikhat Kazmi, in his review remarked that the Indian Film has come of age and I could not agree with him more. Some couple of years ago when I was watching the acronym'ised' movies directed by the 'Oh-so-exclusive-touch-me-not-delicate-creative-metrosexual-directors' (O.S.E.T.M.N.D.C.M.D... Pun intended), I thought that we will never get to see a Good Will Hunting, Amadeus or even a Forest Gumps in Bollywood. But, I am wrong and as if to ward off my fear, Bollywood of late has provided me some great mental orgasms in the multiplex. Small budgets, new faces, young directors, realistic, hard hitting and more importantly entertaining movies have been churned out. Last year it was Big-B starrer "Cheeni Kum", Anurag's "Black Friday" and the inimitable "Bheja Fry". The list is small but yet very heart warming since the movies managed to bridge the gap and stigma between words like cross-over, off-beat and mass. This year, Whoa!! Look what we have. In the early months we had "Taare Zameen Par," Rajat's "Mithya", Rajat Kumar Gupta's "Aamir"(This was a real good one) and now we have Abhishek Kapoor's "Rock On"

In my ratings "Rock On" takes the cherry till now. Fast moving, it yet carries its own mellow pace reflecting the psyche of friendship and the anguish in shying away from one's dream. Farhan must have a penchant for friendship (though in the industry he is shy and reclusive) because post "Dil Chahta Hai", this is his second movie in the same lineage. But we dont care. Rock On is a step ahead of DCH because it is about the need to reclaim you life, if you have lost it in the alleys of 'investment banking' and 'mundane daily life'. The plot is simple and even if you are not a rocker/musician, you will still feel that its a slice of your urban life. This is what makes the movie memorable. We all have or are living the lives of Farhan, Arjun, Luke, Purab, Prachi and Shahana.

The plot interweaves with heart warming poignancy that each character experiences in staying away from something that they much love. And its not the men alone who suffer this deliberation. Rock On also introduces us Prachi Desai, who in her very quiet role emerges as a clear winner as the doting and yet frustrated wife of a husband who treats her with as much inertness as he would do with the stocks he advises about to his clients as an investment banker. The other woman in the movie Shahana Goswami's performance is equally stellar as a wife to an embittered guitarist, Arjun Rampal, handling the latter's fishery business. Each of the characters' story however does not strain the fabric of the primary plot of the battle that they engage in the compromise/s they have made. I guess we all fight this battle and hence Rock On relates to us.

In performances, Arjun Rampal is my pick of the lot. He eases through his character as an embittered guitarist who bravely tries to accept his marraige to Shahana and the compromise that he makes in refusing to play guitar in marraiges because he knows he is made for the stage. He is made for doing "Magik"

Go watch the movie because, words fail me in expressing how good is it. Rock On will be incomplete without a standing applause for Shankar Ehsan and Loy's soul stirring music, which is made even better with Farhan's rustic but fresh voice. To sum up I will borrow a paragraph from Subhas Jha's review, which so aptly sums up the movie "A large number of our films are about life. Some are about music. Seldom has a film blended the music of life into the fabric of a film with such seamless expertise. Rock On!! is that rarity where every component character and episode falls into place with fluent virility."

Indeed Subhas, cant agree more.

The Pawnbroker

And here I am,

Of Flesh, blood and bones,
Mind - No, that is locked with the pawnbroker
who,Some say is ethereal
I only know that he lives above the real.
Never mind, but He has what I owe to all.
In my last conversation with Him,
(More an argument if I am to believe)
He levied a heavy interest,
And I had to give away some memories as a fee.
Indeed a hard bargainer
is He-
I have heard some old folks say this.
Now I know;
My Mind, Oh! Yes, My Mind is with Him you see.
Few more years,
perhaps,
Sigh!
My Mind - hope I shall get back from Him,
But not all memories shall I give away
only for my Mind's interest and fee!
Some I shall hold to relish and set my soul free.

Movies

It's been sometime that I have been wanting to write about some movies , I have watched recently. It actually began with Taare Zameen Par, a movie I ended up watching three times and not once felt let down. TZP deserves a complete entry and not just a few words of appreciation. That I will soon. But for now it's the other flicks I shall opine of. (Gee!! I sound like an English critic of the 18th century)

Om Shanti Om- What's this doing here? Well my friends I watched the movie. Found it to be ridiculously stupid without much of a plot and yet was guilty of wearing a smile of a satisfied mind at the end of the movie. Sigh! I am, at the end of the day, a masala greedy, spicy curry loving Indian. OSO had it all and hence the guilt of satisfaction. If the infamous adage that "Sex and Sharukh sells" is to be proved true, believe me it does not need much but a small sting op on the people who shrieked (six pack) and laughed (include me also) at the slapstick and cliched humour of the movie. In retrospect today I guess the kudos should go to Farah and Sharukh for providing what the Indian mass required- the daily dose of spice with a pinch of salt. I will not delve into the plot or characters but will certainly pick up Vishal and Shekhar for being inspired by The Phantom of the Opera for the climax song. When the song began I was racking my brain to identify the familiarity of the tune. Bingo! the ambience gave it away- Phantom of the Opera. Inspired- My good friends- Well a long time since the Musu musu haasi inspiration.
OSO gets ***1/2 (which implies watch it at least once)

Jodha Akbar - Aha! Opulence has a new name- Ashutosh Gowrikar. Mr. Gowrikar's tryst with magnitude after Lagaan is on a different scale of history and fiction. Lagaan was fiction against the canvas of history. It did not pick on any character, living or dead and hence escaped the ire of a reticent and politicized public. Swadesh was completely based on history with shades of fiction, but the protagonist was not someone who occupied the mind of the public and hence the movie escaped public display of affection of any sorts. (Oh Yes! the pun is completely intended). Jodha Akbar is a tryst with history and an attempt to recreate the missing strands of an association so less talked about, yet by far a very important association that went on to shape a political dream of an emperor. If Akbar married Jodha as a part of a political alliance, then all Haider Ali and Gowrikar tries to do, is to provide a fictional element of a love story that by all possibilities may have bloomed in the courts of the Mughal empire. If we question this tale of love then I guess we must question the tales of all the iconic lovers like Laila-Majnu, Heer-Ranja who like this tale also is a perhaps only a song of the wandering minstrel. However, history does suggest that there was an emperor Akbar and indeed there was a princess Jodha bai. Then, Jodha Akbar is indeed a great tale featured by AG on the silver screen. The canvas of the movie is opulent and so is the performance of Hrithik Roshan as Akbar and Aishwarya Rai as Jodha. What struck me was the restrain of expression in love and the pine between the characters, which was very well executed by Hrithik and Aish. Keep in mind that the movie is 4 hour long and yet I did not notice the audience being bored. Keep away from what 'professional critics' of the movie have to say. You must watch it for the sheer grandeur and performance of all involved- from actors, director to the cinematographer.
**** (beat this Mr. Kazhmi)

Ok Next to follow are the following Elizabeth-The Golden Age, No Country for Old Men, The Bourne Ultimatum. Keep reading this space for more

Change

Have any one of you read Benjamin Holt's The Tao of Pooh?(try following the link and you will get some bytes) I guess you should read it. Not that it will help you achieve instant nirvana or sorts, but it certainly will make you feel better if you face some unexplainable condition or to put it more simply if you feel that your heart and head are going different places. No prizes for guessing that, yes, your truly is in such a situation. Sigh!!!

Change is difficult. As human being we have a very enviable quality of adapting, so says our texts of biology and sociology. Ask me, indeed we do but perhaps not well adapted to accept a change as easily as other animals. And tell you what, it all boils down, very ironically to the very quality which differentiates us from animals- Reason and Emotion. Because we can reason we manage to emote and resist a change. (Well, most of the time we do). I am in the threshold of change right now. I have a new job, a new place, a new location and new people. The transition is easy when I reason with my career graph and pocket in mind. It definitely is difficult when I think of the friends I am now going to be less associated with. It is even more difficult when I realise that lunch hours will be in a different place with different people. Yes, the logic says that I'll get used to this but somehow this time my emotions are not giving in easily. The transition from DIREM to Music Today was easy owing to the fact that I was somehow prepared for it from sometime but, from MT to somewhere else- I guess it happened a little to soon and caught my emotions off-guard. My father changed his job only once to join from Cotton College to a University. 35 years and only one change. Me-Two years and two changes. What should you call it? Inconsistency, aspiration or plain struggle to survive the rat race as the best rat perhaps. I'll select the latter but wish I could change the rat bit, because rats should not be emotional and I am. I will miss my friends here. Music Today/Business Today seemed to me like a pulpit of energy where I felt like an electron. Guess electrons do not make much difference but they do create energy and I did manage to do that, only because I had lots of friends to receive and give back in return. Now I'll miss all this and I am resorting to Pooh to sort my dilemma. Well, he did to some extent...

"Rabbit's clever," said Pooh thoughtfully.

"Yes,"said Piglet, "Rabit's clever."

"And he has Brain."

"Yes," said Piglet, "Rabbit has Brain."

There was a long silence.

"I suppose," said Pooh, "that that's why he never understands anything."

There we go.. you see, I guess I do not need to understand and only feel happy that I'll miss them because I cherish them. Oh Yes, I do!!!

In lack of a muse

I guess we all have muses-anything that will inspire us to create ideas, dreams, prose,verse, furniture, and almost anything else under the sun which is as good old Plato would refer to as something "twice removed from reality." A few days ago I asked Venkat (my colleague/friend and someone gifted with the exquisite ability to translate the most mundane thoughts into beautiful woven prose/verse. Read his blog here) why wasn't he writing. "I need a muse, dude," pat came his reply. For a moment, a while back I was also in search of a muse and while I kept asking friends to throw topics at me to write about (yeah, I know that is not the ideal way always), it struck me suddenly when Preetika asked me to write about anything around me - the pens, bottles, paper cups, a white board etc., to write about the different muses that inspire people from different walks of life.

Let's begin with a workaholic whose muse I presume would be performance, work, achievement, money or maybe none of the any. The workaholic could choose to work also to keep away from home, a nagging wife/husband, or maybe to be close to someone he/she likes in the office. In the same way for some, the comfort of the office in a hot summer night could also be a temporary muse to work. Well that is a good number of muses to begin with.

What would be then the muse of a cobbler or to reduce our set into a more generic term the menial workers who make their living with their day's efforts. I guess, in this case survival is the most potent muse. Self respect will also be a close second since these are people who labour to earn and thankfully do not beg. Ironically, beggars whose muse is to also to survive, seek a completely different medium to do so. Ah! so a common muse could have different sets of inspirations to perform completely different actions. So is Muse relative?

A lover's muse is what I believe is most consistent. Love alone is the muse that will define his/her relationship with the other. And when I refer to love here, it obviously is the genuine kinds and not the fritter of types. When someone is in love you will find reflection of the muse in everything/everywhere that the person does. I can feel it in Venkat's verse, Sameer's attitude, Preetika's rue, Pooja's smses, Simmi's calls and more so in my own response to songs that touch my heart. Sigh! in the last few lines I felt it again.

I should sign off with the writer's muse, who, I agree with many other wise men, is everybody/everything and their individual muse.

"Autorickshaw Diaries"

It is a little scary for me to pubish my thoughts, now that I have not been able to fulfill many of them. It's been like ages since when I last expressed in this space without having the paucity of time or patience. Excuses, however do not sate the hunger to express and of late Simmi has been all ears to my thoughts. But sincerely wish I could take a holiday and punch the feelings into words for all to read. Sigh!

Well to begin with there is something I have termed as "Autorickshaw Diaries" which occupies my mind most of the time (ofcourse that is when it is not occupied with the myriad other confusion and confabulations that determine my life presently). A.D. would be my attempt to describe the urban jungle as I have seen and felt it in these 11 years of stay in Delhi. Valiant try- Yes indeed and will need time for me to complete. Watch out for this space it will be coming soon!!!

Oh yes!!! Check out the video bar on the right hand side of my blog. (You'll need to scroll down a lil,, yes!!) Youtube is cool!!!

Cheers!

Love...

A very short verse to love...

I did not feel you,
when plentitude surrounded me.
I did not feel you
when I searched for you.
Now,
when you touched me
unaware,
oblivious,
unexpected,
I do not have to look around,
I see you in in everything
I see you in me.
Indeed,
indescribable you are
As all have called thee!!!

Oh!! So much in love and so much to tell about the feeling that now also belongs to me.

Does it need one... I refuse to give one!!!

I wish I could define an excuse which explains in a single word of how busy I have been. My mind has been goading me and there is so much I want to write about but time just does not seem to be grateful to me. Even now I try to grasp with what should I write about. I guess I just want to write a verse... The metaphors and the meanings may be personal and may not even explain to the layman what I mean, but I want a catharsis and only this verse will help me to do it...

Sold out is my show,
The actors have made their bow,
Men and women clapped,
They cried and they laughed,
Some snickered,
Some bickered,
But they stayed through it all.
My show is sold out.
And I am left on the stage.
Where is my part-
The role I designed,
the role that sets me apart.
When the audience is gone,
Who shall I play it for?
The lights are off,
The stage is dark,
Who shall say now-
My show was a sold out.
When they leave the hall
I play the best part of all,
I play my self
And only one shall see me now,
My mirror on the wall,
To me, my show will again be a sold out.

58 days

58 days without any posts-No it's not loss of interest or lack of creative juices. In fact the 58 days have been a period without any lazy Sundays or for that matter any lazy day. New assignments at job, a promotion, a trip to home, two Grishams, shedding around 10 kg of weight, search for a new place to stay, conflict of head and heart, news of Dad's health, unprecedented expenses, Diwali celebration and today an early morning where the 58 days of memories boiling in the cauldron of the restless mind wants to release on the screen. If I got down to weave all my recent experiences the result would be perhaps an interesting novel. OK if not interesting, a bad-seller none-the-less at least a novel.

Exposition for such a long narrative is always a problem. I guess I can begin with Grisham since reading is something I would otherwise be doing all the time, if I was a lucky 'rich unemployed son-of-an-industrialist-with-3-contributing workaholic elder-sibling' (The lack of English terms to describe crazy imagination has been always appalling.)

John Grisham- I was hooked onto him when I read into him for the first time in "The Runaway Jury". Unlike Sheldon's dramas and thrillers, that would rightfully do well as a Hollywood flick, Grisham's novels retain a classic touch of a slow narrative which, I find appealing. The protagonists of his novels are contemplative and ironically dispose themselves very well in a delayed narrative that begs the readers to follow each line as the author would want it to. Read "The Chamber" and you will understand what I mean. A few months ago I had picked up an omnibus of two of his recent novels- "The Brethren" and "A Painted House." A trip to hometown meant that I could relish the investment over the journey and stay. I began with "The Brethren." Divulging very less of the plot, I will simply rate the novel a 5 out of 10, because though a very interesting thriller, I found it as a run-of-the-mill stuff. Scheming judges, a US Presidential candidate, an intelligent and crippled CIA director, an unusual secret and a very well devised scam-perfect ingredients for the Hollywood flick(I checked on the net and as of now no news of any producers wanting to produce it. Maybe someone should read this blog!!!)

It is "A Painted House" that managed to stimulate me into an intellectual orgasm. This is not the usual Grisham-"A Painted House" is perhaps Grisham's attempt of a memorable Classic that would one day qualify for literary interests. Set in the Southern US city of Arankasas in 1952, the novel is a pale but firm shadow of two of my favourite classics- George Eliot's "The Mill on the Floss" and Harper's " To Kill a Mocking Bird" I don't know if the latter classics were revolving in his mind, but I were him it certainly would. Unlike his other novels, "A Painted House" has a narrative of a young 10 year old-Luke Chandler and his decriptive experiences gloss the tense, deep rooted worries that occupy the adult mind. At the same time Grisham manages to unfold the topical issues of the state and its inhabitants during the era. The cotton plantations, the look-out for labour, the Mexicans, the impending threat of weather and floods of the great Mississippi, the worries and orthodox views of farmers vis-a-vis farming versus working in the city etc are issues that blend very effectively with personal issues like being educated in the city, a child's outlook to the fragmentation of Christianity, adolescence and the love of baseball through the eyes of the ten year old Chandler. And to envelop everything, the icing in the cake is the metaphor of a house being painted. What Grisham manges to do int this novel, is to take the readers into a world which is real. For instance the worry of families whose relatives were part of the great American Vietnam mission and the fierce support for every body's personal baseball favourite teams is in the pulpit of the narrative. Read the novel, not because of the beautiful things I have written, but because it will stimulate you, keep you alert-much more than any thriller.

I did feel in one case that Grisham hurried the ending but that's my personal opinion like all of the above. One should read the novel and experience it for all that matters. The novel has been adopted into a CBS television movie/telefilm for "Hallmark Hall of Fame." Go ahead, pick it up from the shelves.

Next time-"A new place to Stay"

Wish you were here...

I have heard this so many times but I just do not seem to grow out of it. Unfortunately not being an intense listener of songs I always had failed to comprehend the lyrics of this masterpiece. Listen to this now... and read the lyrics... awesome!!! Indeed something around me make me "Wish you were here" too.
And the best part of a youtube embedding... Click on the tab "Menu" in the bottom right corner and you will find a list of other Pink Floyd great master pieces.. right there leaving you "Comfortably Numb" :)


So, so you think you can tell Heaven from Hell,
blue skies from pain.
Can you tell a green field from a cold steel rail?
A smile from a veil?
Do you think you can tell?
And did they get you to trade your heroes for ghosts?
Hot ashes for trees?
Hot air for a cool breeze?
Cold comfort for change?
And did you exchange a walk on part in the war for a lead role in a cage?
How I wish, how I wish you were here.
We're just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl, year after year,
Running over the same old ground.
What have you found? The same old fears.
Wish you were here.

The Electron

Spiralling across the cosmos
the mind-its epicenter
Fears no invasion,
the electron is the key
my soul
In it's path
I vanquish them all!!!

I guess thats how I feel immediately. Things are moving fast around me . I wonder if I am keeping up the pace. At this moment I feel like the electron pushing itself through countless directions and in this process creating energy.

By the way Preetika shared a very nice thought for the day today:

Confucius said

"Our greatest glory is not in never falling but in rising every time we fall"

Not at all confusing , is it??? :)

Read and Write

"The truth is, it's not a great career move to create a readership and then, in effect, abandon them. "- Dan Simmons

Remember the first time you wrote a verse/prose or perhaps painted a picture. Beyond the self satisfaction of creation what was the next thing that gave you goosebumps- appreciation or criticism from your audience. No matter what was the reaction but the bottom line was the thrill of being recognised for an act of creation. It is so inherent that even as the most detached, inconsequential (sorry to use this term) or introvert author, you might yet, want a readership or recognition. My guess is we all go through it. For my matter, even I do, though the entries are only into a blog. Somewhere I feverishly wish that more people read what I have to say and also leave their feedback.

Bouquets and brickbats are never worries. Readership is. I would sometime think over this and worry that maybe my entries are not attractive enough to pull in readership. Thankfully, I do not continue to think the same today after I came across the quote by Dan Simmons. Very simply said but immensely thought provoking. It also reminds me of a movie "Finding Forrester". If you all have not watched it, then you must. Sean Connery in it. (Awesome movie and its a kind of serendipity when I realised that the makers of this movie are also the makers of "Good Will Hunting". Both these movies are my favourites.) Anyway, like I was saying readership, therefore should be the last thing in your mind if you are writing. One should write because he/she enjoys writing. The act is to write without any pretensions; express what is in the mind. The editing can happen later and readers will follow even later. Marquez does this and I guess all who want to express do the same.
Three cheers, Mr Simmons. Let me sum it up also with another quote of yours

"There's a unique bond of trust between readers and authors that I don't believe exists in any other art form; as a reader, I trust a novelist to give me his or her best effort, however flawed."

Haiku 2

It came, touched me
I was touched
Am overpowered by emotions.

The above are some very personal feelings of a moment that came and left an indelible mark in my mind.

I love Haiku.

Haiku

Hmm I was reading into the Japenese form of poetry- Haiku. (Follow the link) Interesting! Few of my attempts are below:

Waves

From waves near and far
Voices and news I hear
The mobile, the television and the transistor.

Love

Blind as the bat
scurries like the rat
shatters like glass!

Comfort

Food, water and roof
Vehicle, garden and golf
The green in the pocket buys them all.

Do let me know if you liked them...

Of Molars, Incisors and Dentists

Last week I visited a dentist. I cannot exactly trace the period when I had last visited one but it was certainly a long, long, long... time ago. Why do I have the dentist phobia is also something I cannot recall. Only that my association with dental patients have always resulted in an understanding that these lot of doctors can be very 'painful.' Friends holding their mouth with miserable expressions before and after visiting a dentist had an 'Ally Mcbea'l effect on my imagination. I began to regard dentists as a species who in their 5-6 year period of studies learn and master the art of masochism. Such was the phobia that I refused to get one of my upper molars checked for severe ache and I bore it for days striving on dozens of brufens. When the pain subsided and after a few months a small section of the tooth also broke off, I became an advocate of "no dentist but self help of one's own enamels." This was a few years back. Last week was different.
Simmi and I had an argument over something and I wanted to reach home late. I really do not know what was cooking in my head when I parked my bike close to the dental clinic. Of course there was this pressure that one of my incisors was infected, that I could not chew well from the right side, also that two of my left molars had very visible "CAVITIES" (yeah that's in upper-case) and a reminiscence of my tooth ache was haunting one of the lower molars. (phew and I thought I will never have to visit a dentist)
I very surreptitiously entered the clinic. My mind was racking for excuses to avoid a confrontation. The empty reception was a good excuse and I was about to leave when I heard a lady call -"Yes, Can I help you?"
The next thing I remember is me addressing her about my tooth problems and a while later seated on the dental chair for a routine examination.
"Open your mouth wide," she asked.
For a moment I thought that, "This is it. I should immediately leave."
Miraculously I held on and after the examination she dropped the bomb.
"Binodan, 8 cavities and probably 2 RCTs that will need immediate action," Aarika expressed in boisterous voice.
I seriously wondered what's the need for the excitement unless that every time a dentist examines the enamels he/she digs into it as unto a gold-mine. Of-course that each filling is at Rs 500 and the two probable RCTs are pegged at Rs 3000/- each are the finer details that she would explain later. (So you see where the gold mine analogy fits)
At that moment noting Aarika's chirpy voice I guessed that they would be painless rendering and promptly agreed on a sitting for Saturday.
After the examination I felt proud of myself. It took me courage under "the dentist's lamp" to overcome a phobia.
So what happened on Saturday is something I will chip in another entry. Though I still uphold the courage, I have some very descriptive moments to share when Aarika had lowered the drilling machine into one my molars. ;)